#OscarsNotSoDiverse: Part One: The Farewell Snub

Awkwafina and Shuzhen Zhao in The Farewell

I grew up watching the Oscars. There has always been a part of me that loves the glitz and glamour of "Hollywood's Biggest Night." I find myself every awards season attempting to watch the nominated movies and getting my film minor hat on to assess the quality of the films and sometimes try to figure out why they were nominated. I was looking at this year's nominees and honestly was shocked at some glaring omissions. (No Best Picture nod for "Knives Out"?) Two of the biggest snubs of the year I am going to discuss in this short series, as I try and wrap my head around why the Academy is not nominating more deserving movies, directors and actors of constantly underrepresented groups.

It should go without saying that I am going to be discussing The Farewell in this post, so this is your spoiler alert. Also, I want to warn anyone still grieving the loss of a loved one that this post may cause some intense feelings. Feel free to stop reading and join me on Sunday for the conclusion of this series, a discussion of Little Women and the Academy's women director nomination problem.

The Farewell, directed by Lulu Wang and based on her work "What You Don't Know," is one of those movies that leaves you shaking your head when it comes to the Oscars. It is the kind of film that the Academy usually gushes over, but sadly, it is not even part of the discussion on Oscar Sunday. If your thoughts are turning to where mine was after seeing this movie, you may be thinking the same thing. If this movie were directed by a white man, would this be the front runner? The answer to that, I believe, is yes.

The Farewell grabbed me from the moment the words "based on an actual lie" appeared on my screen. The movie is the true story of her grandmother, Nai Nai's diagnosis with terminal cancer and a look at how Eastern and Western cultures deal with processing emotions, dealing with impending death, and grieving. Awkwafina gives a powerful performance as Billi, a New York-based Asian-American who has a close relationship with her grandmother, Nai Nai. Nai Nai, portrayed by actress Shuzhen Zhao, has been keeping the fact that she is not feeling well from Billi and the rest of her extended family, who are living at different ends of the world. When the doctor tells Nai Nai's sister about the terminal diagnosis, the family decides not to tell her, and they arrange to see her under the disguise of Billi's cousin's wedding banquet. However, the family decided that since Billi can not keep her emotions hidden from her grandmother, that she would not attend. Billi decides to go anyway and has to come to terms not only with the cultural differences within her family but process the news without her grandmother discovering the truth.

Hiding a terminal diagnosis from an elderly family member is common in China. Billi's uncle explains to her that not telling Nai Nai is the family carrying the burden. Billi looks at it as selfish that they are not allowing her to say her goodbyes, seek closure, or die the way she wants to.

While the discussion can turn to the difference between cultures, I can not speak to Eastern cultural practices, and I do not want to try. What spoke to me is how Billi was treated by her family when she shows emotion. It will most likely resonate with every adult who lost their grandparents when they were in their twenties and thirties.

Me and my Grampy sometime in the 1990’s. One of my favorite and treasured pictures of him and I.

I hate to admit this to grandparents, but most of your grandchildren have a favorite grandparent. Mine is my Grampy. My Grampy passed away when I was 24. He had a series of strokes and heart attacks that started on my 24th birthday. He was my absolute favorite grandparent, and while he sat unable to do much in the hospital and nursing homes during the last months of his life, I visited him daily. We watched hours of cartoons and movies, and I would spend hours talking to him. When he eventually passed on May 1, 2006, I wanted to give his eulogy. However, I was told that I would be far too emotional, and the honor was given to someone else, whose remarks were brief and did not capture his kind and caring spirit. (Reflecting later, my mom told me she realized that I would have done a great job.) That is a story that I have heard from people my age over and over again, because grief is a thing that makes others think things that you may not otherwise. That is why, when Billi's mother was talking to her after telling her about her grandmother's illness, something hit a nerve. Her mother attempts to prevent her from seeing her grandmother. She tells Billi that "the family feels that it is best that you don't come to see her." She goes on to tell Billi that she would be too emotional. Throw in the fact that Billi is trying so hard to make her dreams a reality, and she is failing is something that any person in their 20's and 30's can relate to her on a level that you usually can't with most scripted characters. I know that even though it was just a film, my heart ached for Billi. Her family expected her to handle her grief without anyone in the family to help her through those complicated feelings. This is something I think is very relatable.

The moment that Billi has to face the news of her Nai Nai's illness was the moment I started crying. I didn't stop until about an hour after the movie was over. It was a raw look at grieving while the person is still alive, and it causes you to question what your preference would be when the time comes. The moment that she says goodbye to her Nai Nai and gets in her taxi was tough. Seeing her Nai Nai is crying as they pull away just gutted me. That was the moment I wondered if her grandmother knew and was following along with her family's wishes because she knew and understood the tradition behind the act. Then the movie shares some wonderful news…

Lulu's Nai Nai is still alive and active six years later. I was so happy and grateful for her and the ability to see the story through the eyes of her granddaughter, because Lulu’s love for her grandmother is very obvious.

This movie was powerful, beautiful, and visually delightful. I loved it. It has been nominated and has won several other awards this season, which is why I was stunned on Oscar nomination morning that it was not named at all. Apparently, I am not the only one, as a quick google search of Oscars and The Farewell came back with several articles trying to understand why this didn't get nominated. This deserved all the nominations, especially Awkwafina, Shuzhen Zhao, and Lulu Wang (for writing and directing). I have to say, I don't know why this got no love from the Academy, but Ford Versus Ferrari did.

This year, the movies with the most nominations are The Irishman, Joker, 1917, and Once Upon a time…In Hollywood. All movies about white men by white men. This is not a coincidence. Up until a few years ago, the Academy was predominantly white and male in the majority of its 17 branches. These branches determine the nominees. For example, the director's branch determines the nominees for their respective categories. Most of these directors are older white men, and that is why your nominees are what they are and not including the likes of Lulu Wang.

Do I think it is just women underrepresented? Of course not. I believe that there has been a lot of excellent stuff made that has been overlooked. Their contributions usually are saying something that the establishment doesn't want to see or hear. They are using their platform to state the things that need to be said. What Lulu said with her movie was something that every adult grandchild needed to hear. That your Nai Nais, your Grampys, your Nanas, and your Grampas are only here for so long, make sure they know how much you love them, be there for them, be understanding of them, and understanding of the traditions that they hold dear. That you should understand that you can break the rules and be there for them, even when your family may not want you there, because you know you should. She said it in a way that was not schmaltzy or superficial. She said it in a way that makes you think, makes you reflect and makes you open up and grieve again. I watched that movie two days ago, and I can't stop thinking about it.

The Farewell was seriously snubbed, and everyone should see it with a box of tissues by their side. You can rent it for under a dollar right now on Amazon.