Ah, summer! A time for sun, surf, and outrageous betrayal by loved ones. This month all three of our questions come from J.O., a charming young man we met at a fun shindig the Ladies brought us to, Kyle Coston Tonight! This live chat show was a real hoot to do. Don’t worry if you missed our fabulousness – the whole show is available here for your viewing pleasure. You’ll probably notice that we had to share the stage with the Ladies, which we’re sure was a misunderstanding that will no doubt be rectified in our future appearances.
J.O. had three questions. He began:
Dear Fashion Raptors, It was great meeting you ladies at the Kyle Coston show – thanks for the fashion tips and not eviscerating anyone! Yay! I was curious if you ever worry about sudden yet inevitable betrayals?
Thank you for writing in to us after the show! It was one of our first public appearances since Boston Comicon, but we guarantee that it won’t be our last. While you ask about sudden yet inevitable betrayal, you didn’t quite indicate by whom we might be betrayed. If you are referring to the Ladies, we are not too concerned. For one thing, have you seen them? They are weoefully inadequate in a fight to death, what with their pitiful (though brightly colored) claws, distressingly blunt teeth, soft, rendable skin, and laughable running speeds. Honestly, 7 miles per hour is the best they can do? If they betrayed us, we could easily be bathing in their viscera before they even knew what happened. For another thing, what possible motive could they have to betray us? This blog needs us – we are clearly the star attraction, here.
Now, if you are asking whether we might betray each other, we remind you that raptors are pack hunters – we’re better together. Though…now that you mention it, there’s very little evidence for that in the fossil record. Way more raptors seem to be loners. Huh. Guess we’ll both be sleeping with one eye open from now on. Thanks for that, J.O.
J.O. went on to ask, “Also, what is your position on Luau / Hawaiian shirts? I enjoy the sense of “bringing the party with me” but is there every a time when a Luau shirt might be the wrong answer?”
Ah, the Hawaiian, or as it’s known in Hawaii, the Aloha shirt, that brilliantly colored piece of kitschy comfort. We think they’re great! Besides indicating a willingness to relax and enjoy a party atmosphere (possibly with excellent cocktails), the tropical patterns can provide excellent camouflage in the right environment. They also do a bang-up job of obscuring those unsightly blood stains, an all-too common occurrence after a long day of stalking and disemboweling your prey.
You ask if they’re appropriate for every occasion – this is one of those situations that is all about context. On the islands of Hawaii, the answer is nearly always yes, particularly if the occasion is semi-formal, such as a wedding. The culture is such that more formal attire might even be considered inappropriate. Additionally, tropical places will be where you will get the most out of that camouflage effect. Bright flowers and parrots blend in poorly on the gray streets of Boston in winter, and are not recommended.
Then too, if one is presented with a somber occasion, such as a funeral, more context may be needed. If your deceased loved one wants a “celebration of life” type send-off, go for it! For other folks, a touch more gravitas might be required. Luckily, black offers many of the same stain-hiding and stealth advantages of aloha prints – and has the added bonus of being quite slimming!
Finally, J.O. wanted to know: Also, while it clearly is possible to pay too much for one (T. Bahama!) is it ever possible to pay too little (Going to the Thrift Shop with Macklemore!) Thanks! Have a great one!
Once again, J.O., it is important to consider context. For the most part, we raptors find saving money to be extremely fashionable. It’s all well and good to splurge on a Coach purse or Max Gengos dress, but so much better to unearth a 60’s Emilio Pucci dress at the local thrift shop for a song. Thrift shopping is all about the thrill of the hunt, chasing your treasure and taking it down in a frenzy of savage beauty, blood, and fine leather goods. Even when the big scores don’t hit, there’s joy to be had in finding out how much you can acquire for less.
But – we caution you not to be hasty in your purchases – don’t buy something just because it’s cheap! If it’s not well-made, or doesn’t really fit you well, is it even worth the few dollars you spent? Take it from us – mistakes can be made.
Thanks to J.O. for all of the great questions! If you want to ask us questions, email the Ladies at firstname.lastname@example.org – they’ll pass them along. And tune in for end of summer update, when we finally address the burning question of white after Labor Day!